Be Careful And Be Safe…

Desperate times calls for desperate measures….

Although there have not been any alarming statistics yet published, it is only a matter of time that crime and suicide rates will be on the rise.  Hence it is better to be safe than sorry, so it is now time to be more cautious.

  • Now is not the time to flash your jewellery or expensive items.
  • Beware of Phone scams, kidnap scams, lottery scams, tricksters impersonation of law enforcement officials advising victims to remit or transfer money to designated bank accounts etc.
  • Beware of pickpockets
  • Safeguard your belongings and don’t leave them unattended.
  • Lock your doors and windows with secure locks, not those that can easily broken into.
  • Do not leave spare keys under the doormat, flower pots, electric meter boxes etc.
  • Or leave notes lying around annoucing that you are overseas or not around etc.
  • Cancel all deliveries egs newspapers when you are away for an extended time.
  • Ask your trusted neighbours to keep an eye out for your property.
  • Never open the door for strangers!
  • Ask someone to escort you up the elevators if it late at night esp. if you see suspicious characters are loitering around the lift landing.
  • Avoid dark deserted shortcuts.
  • If confronted surrender your belongings but note distinct features of the culprit.
  • Do not lend your mobile phone strangers unless you are prepared to lose it.
  • Always walk facing oncoming traffic if possible hold your handbag on the side away  from the motorists.
  • Do not leave valuables in your car and park in well lit area.
  • Do not be lured by strangers who offer lifts or presents, or on the pretext of asking directions for help.
  • Check your credit card statements carefully and regularly, so you can alert your bank of any unauthorised transactions immediately.
  • Shop online only on reputable sites.

And if you know of anyone who seems exceptionally depressed lately you may want to keep this numbers handy…

SAMARITANS OF SINGAPORE (SOS): 18002214444

SINGAPORE ASSOCIATION FOR MENTAL HEALTH

Helpline: 18002837019

CARE CORNER MANDARIN COUNSELLING: 18003535800

julianwebsig

JokeGram..

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye

while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which, that the eye

doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag, cut a hole to see through,

covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As

he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

“Look,” said the doctor, “there’s no need to get emotional about

getting glasses.”

“I know,” agreed the blonde, “But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.”

Inheritance

————
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widowed father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. 
So one evening, he went to a singles bar, where he spots the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, her natural beauty takes his breath away. 
“I may look just like an ordinary man,” he says, as he walks up to her, “but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I’ll inherit 20 million dollars.” 
The woman went home with Charles that evening……and the next day, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much smarter. 
When will men ever learn? 

Onions & Christmas Trees

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?  The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”

“Onions?”

“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree?”

“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”

Is Man Bringing Destruction Upon Himself?

 

  • When he fight wars to gain more land and treasures?
  • When he builds weapons of mass destruction?
  • When he engages in unatural sex?
  • When he reaps more than he sows?
  • When he fishes more than he can eat?
  • When he destroys nature to seek what he wants, and wants more than he seeks?
  • When through his greed and the greed of this fellowmen brings about a world financial crisis?
  • When he makes decisions and fights for an ideology contrary to the Word?
  • When he takes a life for whatever reasons?
  • When he incites hatred for his cause?
  • When he thinks he can control the outcome of his own living ‘creation’?

The list goes on and on…..

When will he ever learn? When it is too late?

Hymn – Prodigal Son

Prodigal Son

1. Father I have sinned, help me find my way,

Remember not my sins, just let me hear You say

Chorus

I forgive you, I love you. You are mine, take my hand

Go in peace, sin no more, beloved one.

2. Father I have turned, my back and walked away

Depended on my strength, and loved life my own way

3. Father I have closed, my heart to those in need

Thought only of myself, a victim of my greed

4. Father I’ve returned, I’m home with You to stay

Standing by your door, knowing that You’ll say

(The beautiful tune can be found HERE in midi format so you can try and sing it.)

And so the journey begins……

ashwed21

I Pee Standing Up And Sitting Down…

Just not at the same time! ha ha!  Whomever tells you that it makes him less of a man if he sits down and pee is either a red neck, a caveman or simply doesn’t have a clue to what manhood is really about!  Who in his right mind would wake up with an erection and start peeing in his own toilet, knowing full well the mess he is almost certainly going to make?  Not I! 

The beauty of being a man is that we have a choice; So we don’t have to worry if  we are in a forested area or simply in a hell hole of what was once known as a toilet, you probably know what I mean if you’d experience the conditions the toilet is kept in some places!

And my dear brothers, if you somehow have a condition which forces you to sit and pee, well think nothing of it! You are still a MAN and that isn’t going to change whether you sit or stand! 

Oh and leaving the toilet seat up when you have women at home is just plain inconsiderate, then again if you just simply overlooked it once in a while then you don’t deserve the long lectures that follow.  And whilst I feel for you, I personally haven’t had that problem at home, because we aren’t as petty about such trivial things!

Finally to my fellow men…..may we pee gracefully and smoothly to a ripe old age!

julianwebsig

Movie – Outlander

Starring: James Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Jack Huston, Ron Perlman
Director: Howard McCain

Sypnosis :  During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan (Caviezel), a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking’s Iron Age weaponry. 

Well I was going to watch ‘The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button’ but chose ‘Outlander’ instead because I wanted an out of this world distraction.  Boy did I get my money’s worth!  Can you imagine watching Alien/Predator, 13th Warrior, Beowulf, Pathfinder all rolled into one and is not even a comedy but rather a sci-fi meets action drama movie? Well this movie isn’t for everyone, especially those who crave either pure action, pure drama or simply one of the generic genres.

I on the otherhand rather enjoyed this rather odd ‘blended’ movie, after all every once in a while it is good to watch something totally new and which stretches once imagination.  So in short my advice is leave your mindset at the door and you’ll certainly be entertained. 
julianwebsig

When Mates Meetup..

Like a young wine matures and improves with age so too does friendships! What has it been? Two years or slightly more? Well we’ve made it a point to stay in touch and that’s what matters most.  Feels a little strange that forum mates can hit it off so well and form friendships that can stand the test of time….Anyhow I haven’t seen them in quite a while but it is always a treat for me when we do meetup.  Pity Andrew came late, because we had already stop taking pictures by then.

Met up at Viviocity when we had dinner at Food Republic followed by Coffee and Cake! Yummm….

 

 

My Dinner From The Java Kitchen..Nasi Kunning something..

My Dinner From The Java Kitchen..Nasi Kunning something..

 

 

And a yummy...GADO GADO!

And a yummy...GADO GADO!

 

 

My half eaten carrot cake with a smile..

My half eaten carrot cake with a smile..

 

 

Miss Roboto!

Miss Roboto!

 

 

Our Resident Guess Model! I kid you..not...okay I do..

Our Resident Guess Model! I kid you..not...okay I do..

 

 

Will the lady on my right & left..stop looking at the other camera?!

Will the lady on my right & left..stop looking at the other camera?!

 

 

There's an opening for a lady with longer hair..only shortlisted candidates will be notified

There's an opening for a lady with longer hair..only shortlisted candidates will be notified

 

 

And we haven't even started drinking yet...

And we haven't even started drinking yet...

 

 

Oooh Yeah..not going to forget this pic anytime soon..*winks* at Alicia

Oooh Yeah..not going to forget this pic anytime soon..*winks* at Alicia

 

 

Model for my lates Arc'teryx Covert Beanie!

Model for my latest Arc'teryx Covert Beanie!

 

Will do drinks next time…..CHEERS!

Sunday Funnies…

A SAUDI COUPLE

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding,
meet with their Mullah for counselling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
Ahmed asks, “We realize it’s tradition in our religion for men to dance
with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding
reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.”

“Absolutely not,” says the Mullah. “It’s immoral. Men and women
always dance separately.”

“So, after the ceremony, I can’t even dance with my own wife?”

“No,” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden in our religion.”

“Well, okay,” says Ahmed, “What about sex? Can we finally have
sex?”

“Of course!” replies the Mullah, “Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex
is OK within marriage, to have children!”

“What about different positions?” asks the man.

“Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),” says the Mullah.

“Woman on top?” Ahmed asks.

“Sure,” says the Mullah. “Allah Akbar. Go for it!”

“Doggy style?”

“Sure! Allah Akbar!”

“On the kitchen table?”

“Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!”

“Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a
bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket
of honey and a porno video?”

“You may indeed. Allah Akbar!”

“Can we do it standing up?”

“No, absolutely not!” says the Mullah.

“Why not?” asks the man.

“Because that could lead to dancing!”

SUPER BOWL

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat
was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the
Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10
rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a
chance and made his way through the stadium
and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse
me, is anyone sitting here?” The man said “No.”

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the
man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!”

The man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“That’s really sad,” said Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”

“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral.”

PEPE LE PEW

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”

He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”

“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”

He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.”

“But what about the smell?”

“Just hold its nose.”

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

Time To Take A Break And Smell The Roses…Erm Coffee!

coffeman

After religiously blogging the past few months, it’s time to take it easy, refresh if you will…

I leave you with some thoughts on what I think is important on how we spend our time…

Always make time….

  • For God be it in prayer or thought
  • For Family and loved ones
  • For your body, exercise and nutrition is key
  • To read and write
  • For yourself to regenerate, refresh and relax
  • For the little things you can do or say to help someone, better yet if it’s a stranger
  • For the natural beauty that surrounds us, birds, flowers, sunshine even rain…..

And as a wise Vulcan would say, I bid you “Live Long And Prosper!” : )

 

julianwebsig
 

 

 

P.S. For those interested in some prayers for healing and hope, I’ve added a ‘Prayers’ tab to this blog

Now That’s What I Call Lateral Thinking…

See the questions & answers below: The answers were given by people who have exceptionally high IQ.  These are people who think differently.

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all as it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and
three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Prob, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will become wet or sink. as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half an apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC – IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. What happened when the wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)

Q: What is the opposite of Nag panchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me

 

Highlight the area below this pic for the answer

Highlight the area below this pic for the answer

Answer: The last person took the basket with the last egg still inside.

 

Sunday Funnies…

julesundayfun1

9 WORDS WOMEN USE:

 
1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how an d when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying F@!K YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response refer to #3.

 

The  Surrogate

There is not one dirty word in it, and yet it’s Hilarious. ….
 
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”
“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I’ve been expecting you.”
“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
“Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”

After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun You can really spread out there.”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”
“Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”
“My, that’s a lot!”,  gasped Mrs. Smith.
“Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.”

“Don’t I know it,” said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.
“Oh, my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”
“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.
“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look”
“Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
“Yes”, the photographer replied. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?”
“It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”

“Tripod?”
“Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.”

Mrs. Smith fainted!!

Phone Bill

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the master of the house called for a family meeting.

Dad: This is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.

Mum : Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work phone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use the telephone at our work place.

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