True Meaning Of Class ( Crude But True )

Louie Armsweak 1

A bro of mine with his unique impression of….

part deux

Visualize Your Fitness Goal…

Well visualizing the fitness goal is NOT the problem, it is actually reaching the goal!

See….Who can fault my visualizing skills!

Want Your Kid To Do Well In Math? (JoKeGram)

1+2 = 3

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can’t even begin to imagine how their mind is working………

Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths. His parents had tried everything………………
Tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his maths.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed.
She called him down to dinner.

To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.
He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in maths.

She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, “Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?”

Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, “No.”

“Well, then,” she replied, “Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?”

Little Zachary looked at her and said,
“Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.”

Ren Ah! Man Oh Man!

Simple Chinese Philosophy…

啊!

Man, O Man!


沒錢的時候,養豬;
有錢的時候,養狗。

When without money, keep pigs;
When have money, keep dogs.

沒錢的時候,在家裡吃野菜;
有錢的時候,在酒店吃野菜。
When without money, eat at home with wife;
When have money, dine in fine restaurant
.

沒錢的時候,在馬路上騎自行車;

有錢的時候,在客廳裡騎自行車。
When without money, ride bicycle;
When have money, ride exercise machine.

沒錢的時候,想結婚;
有錢的時候,想離婚。
When without money, wish to get married;
When have money, wish to get divorced.

沒錢的時候,老婆兼秘書;
有錢的時候,秘書兼老婆。
When without money, wife becomes secretary;
When have money, secretary becomes second wife
.

沒錢的時候,假裝有錢;
有錢的時候,假裝沒錢。
When without money, act like rich man;
When with money, act like poor man.


人 啊,都不講實話:

Man, O Man, never tells the truth:

說股票是毒品,都在玩;
說金錢是罪惡,都在撈;
Says sharemarket is bad but keeps speculating;
Says money is evil but keeps
accumulating.

說美女是禍水,都想要;

說高處不勝寒,都在爬;
Says women are trouble-makers but keeps desiring them;
Says high positions are lonely but keeps wanting them.

說煙酒傷身體,就不戒;

說天堂最美好,都不去!!!
Says smoking & drinking is bad but keeps partaking;
Says heaven is good but
refused to go.

過去把第一次留給丈夫;

現在把第一胎留給丈夫。
In the past, woman gives man their virginity;
Now, woman gives man their newborn
.

鄉下早晨雞叫人,

城裡晚上人叫雞;
In the rural area, chicken calls for man to awake;
In the cities, man calls for chickens
.

舊社會戲子賣藝不賣身,

新社會演員賣身不賣藝。
In the past, famous actresses will not sell their bodies;
Now, actresses will sell their bodies to get famous


人生是什麼?

What is life about?

1 歲時出場亮相
At 1 year old, YOU are the top priority

10 歲時功課至上
At 10 years old, academic excellence is the top priority

20 歲時春心盪漾
At 20 years old, getting laid is the top priority
30 歲時職場對抗
At 30 years old, a good career is top priority
40 歲時身材發胖
At 40 years old, keeping your body in shape is top priority
50 歲時打打麻將
At 50 years old, beating others at mahjong is top priority

60 歲時老當益壯
At 60 years old, keeping IT up is top priority
70 常常 健忘
At 70 years old, remembering something is top priority
80 歲時搖搖晃晃
At 80 years old, moving around is top priority

90 歲時迷失方向
At 90 years old, knowing directions is top priority
100 歲時掛在牆上
At 100 years old, having your portrait on the wall is top priority!

祝大家愉快,好好做人!

Amazing Anagrams

Brought to you by…….Senile Jet Flu! ( Know what that means?)

 

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:  
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

 

So here’s my Sunday wish for you…..that

You become a thrifty hew!

May The Force Be With You!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Want to know what the wish means then  highlight the empty space to the right above

I Am A Sucker For…

Nothing Is More Important To A Woman…

Then…….

Accessories!

 

aka Accoutrements :lol:

On The Recent Burning Of Churches In Msia..

Unbelivable! All because the name ‘Allah’ was used to describe a Christian God in a Christian Newspaper so that some Malay Christians could relate better perhaps.  Did it ever occur to those folks that they could be worshipping the very same God, who goes by many different names?

This episode brought back memories of the late Mr. George Carlin, when he did “The Sanctity Of Life’ Stand up Comedy act which left me in stitches and yet brought on a whole different perspective of things.

I have bolded the bits which I recalled, when I was giving thought on the above subject….

But you know, the longer you listen to this abortion debate, the more you hear this phrase ‘sanctity of life’. You’ve heard that. Sanctity of life. You believe in it? Personally, I think it’s a bunch of shit. Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realise that God is one of the leading causes of death. Has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians all taking turns killing each other ‘cuz God told them it was a good idea. The sword of God, the blood of the land, veangence is mine. Millions of dead motherfuckers. Millions of dead motherfuckers all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. ‘You believe in God?’ ‘No.’ *Pdoom*. Dead. ‘You believe in God?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘You believe in my God? ‘No.’ *Poom*. Dead. ‘My God has a bigger dick than your God!’ Thousands of years. Thousands of years, and all the best wars, too. The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me. Hey, any time a bunch of holy people want to kill each other I’m a happy guy.

But don’t be giving me all this shit about the sanctity of life. I mean, even if there were such a thing, I don’t think it’s something you can blame on God. No, you know where the sanctity of life came from? We made it up. You know why? ‘Cuz we’re alive. Self-interest. Living people have a strong interest in promoting the idea that somehow life is sacred. You don’t see Abbott and Costello running around, talking about this shit, do you? We’re not hearing a whole lot from Musolini on the subject. What’s the latest from JFK? Not a goddamn thing. ‘Cuz JFK, Musolini and Abbott and Costello are fucking dead. They’re fucking dead. And dead people give less than a shit about the sanctity of life. Only living people care about it so the whole thing grows out of a completely biased point of view. It’s a self serving, man-made bullshit story.

It’s one of these things we tell ourselves so we’ll feel noble. Life is sacred. Makes you feel noble. Well let me ask you this: if everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die, where does the sacred part come in? I’m having trouble with that. ‘Cuz, I mean, even with all this stuff we preach about the sanctity of life, we don’t practice it. We don’t practice it. Look at what we’d kill: Mosquitos and flies. ‘Cuz they’re pests. Lions and tigers. ‘Cuz it’s fun! Chickens and pigs. ‘Cuz we’re hungry. Pheasants and quails. ‘Cuz it’s fun. And we’re hungry. And people. We kill people… ‘Cuz they’re pests. And it’s fun!

And you might have noticed something else. The sanctity of life doesn’t seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? You rarely see a bumper sticker that says ‘Save the tumors.’. Or ‘I brake for advanced melanoma.’. No, viruses, mold, mildew, maggots, fungus, weeds, E. Coli bacteria, the crabs. Nothing sacred about those things. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. We get to choose which forms of life we feel are sacred, and we get to kill the rest. Pretty neat deal, huh? You know how we got it? We made the whole fucking thing up! Made it up! The same way… thank you.

Wedding Laffs Wows

Really contagious….. :lol:

My Mini Bad Taste Bears keychain Collection

My Very First one bought a few weeks ago - Im Horny

My Very First one bought a few weeks ago - "I'm Horny"

 

Not Sure why but this one is called Roger Ha ha

Not Sure why but this one is called 'Roger' Ha ha..Yup that's a blow up doll..

 

One of my favs - Skully

One of my favs - "Skully"

My all time fav - Shakleton...look what it says on the ball

My all time fav - "Shakleton"...look what it says on the ball

iLostPhone3gs

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