Sunday Funnies….F1


Subject: Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. If You’re Choking On An Ice Cube, Simply Pour A Cup Of Boiling Water
Down Your Throat. Presto! The Blockage Will Instantly Remove Itself.

2. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone
Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

3. Avoid Arguments With Women About Lifting The Toilet Seat by
using The Sink.

4. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers – Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed for
a few Minutes, thus reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember to use
a Timer.

5. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From
Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

6. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You’ll
Be Afraid To Cough.

7. You Only Need Two Tools In Life – Wd-40 And Duct Tape.
If it doesn’t Move and should, use Wd-40.
If it shouldn’t Move and it does, use the Duct Tape.

8. Remember – Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To Know Them.

9. If You Can’t Fix It With A Hammer, You’ve Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought:
Some People Are Like Slinkies – Not Really Good For Anything But
They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down the Stairs

 

Can we ever get sick of Blonde Jokes?

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away… Florida or the moon?’

The other blonde turns and says ‘Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????’

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, ‘What’s the story?’
He replies, ‘Just crap in the carburetor’
She asks, ‘How often do I have to do that?’

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, ‘I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you!’

RIVER WALK

There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. ‘Yoo-hoo!’ she shouts, ‘How can I get to the other side?’
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
‘You ARE on the other side.’

AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
‘Impossible!’ says the doctor. ‘Show me.’
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her
knee and screamed;
Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
made her scream.
The doctor said, ‘You’re not really a redhead, are you?
‘Well, no’ she said, ‘I’m actually a blonde.’
‘I thought so,’ the doctor said. ‘Your finger is broken.’

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind
the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’

‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’

BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, ‘We were the first in space!’
The American said, ‘We were the first on the moon!’
The Blonde said, ‘So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!’
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. ‘You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!’ said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, ‘We’re not stupid, you know.
We’re going at night!’

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, ‘If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?’
She thought for a time and then asked, ‘Is it on or off?’

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, ‘Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?’
‘HELLLOOOOOOO……,’ answered the blond. ‘They’re watch dogs!’

 

P.S. We all need love don’t we?

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