Sunday Funnies…


A SAUDI COUPLE

A Saudi couple, Ahmed and Layla, preparing for their wedding,
meet with their Mullah for counselling.

The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
Ahmed asks, “We realize it’s tradition in our religion for men to dance
with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding
reception, we’d like your permission to dance together.”

“Absolutely not,” says the Mullah. “It’s immoral. Men and women
always dance separately.”

“So, after the ceremony, I can’t even dance with my own wife?”

“No,” answered the Mullah, “It’s forbidden in our religion.”

“Well, okay,” says Ahmed, “What about sex? Can we finally have
sex?”

“Of course!” replies the Mullah, “Allah Akbar! (GOD is great) Sex
is OK within marriage, to have children!”

“What about different positions?” asks the man.

“Allah Akbar! Mafi Mushkila (no problem),” says the Mullah.

“Woman on top?” Ahmed asks.

“Sure,” says the Mullah. “Allah Akbar. Go for it!”

“Doggy style?”

“Sure! Allah Akbar!”

“On the kitchen table?”

“Yes, yes! Allah Akbar!”

“Can I do it with all my four wives together on rubber sheets with a
bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, leather harnesses, a bucket
of honey and a porno video?”

“You may indeed. Allah Akbar!”

“Can we do it standing up?”

“No, absolutely not!” says the Mullah.

“Why not?” asks the man.

“Because that could lead to dancing!”

SUPER BOWL

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat
was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the
Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10
rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a
chance and made his way through the stadium
and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse
me, is anyone sitting here?” The man said “No.”

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the
man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!”

The man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first
Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“That’s really sad,” said Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”

“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral.”

PEPE LE PEW

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, “It’s nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?”

He says, “O.K., Get in the car with it.”

“Where shall I put it to get it warm?”

He says, “Put it in between your legs. It’s nice and warm there.”

“But what about the smell?”

“Just hold its nose.”

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.

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