A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye
while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which, that the eye
doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag, cut a hole to see through,
covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As
he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
“Look,” said the doctor, “there’s no need to get emotional about
“I know,” agreed the blonde, “But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.”
Onions & Christmas Trees
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Yes, you see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, “Mom, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?”
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?”
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”
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