Sunday Funnies.


Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW 

 

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE

LIGHT GOES OUT

 

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT

BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

 

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN 

ON THE DRAINING BOARD

 

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT

BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

 

Notice in health food shop window: 

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

 

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 

 

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE 

ON THE 1 ST FLOOR

 

Notice in a farmer’s field: 

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL

CHARGES.

 

Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS 

 

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL

DOESN’T WORK) 

John O’Reilly

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said … “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!” 
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! 
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night” 
She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?” 
John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.” 
“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said. 
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.” 
She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 
“Why is the bride dressed in white?”” 
Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 
“So why is the groom wearing black?”
~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she 
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, 
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray”Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad 
scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered,
“Call for backup.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” 
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. 
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”
The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your Dad.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh !!!! 

TURN YOUR VOLUME UP AND LISTEN TO HOW THIS WIFE CATCHES HER HUSBAND ON RADIO!

2 Responses

  1. Hey I love this blog. I can see the time and effort put into this.. Thanks!

    • Thanks for the encouragement Emma!

      cheers
      😉

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