Another Blonde Joke
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”
The redhead took her left finger, pushed on her chest and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed. Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?
“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde. How did you know that?”
“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your left finger is broken”.
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.’
The lady can’t take this any more, ‘You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,’she retorted indignantly. ‘In this country, we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.’
‘Hey, coola down lady,’ said the man. ‘Who talking abouta sex?
I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘ Mississippi ‘.’
$5.00 says you’re gonna read this again!
JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
“Why is the bride dressed in white?””
Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
“So why is the groom wearing black?”
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up,brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray”Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”
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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”
The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered,
“Call for backup.”
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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?”
The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your Dad.”
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